Still Here

 Life has been crazy for me the last two years. I was diagnosed with kidney failure and a heart condition which have changed my quality of life.

 I was out of work for nearly seven months and depression started to rule my life. I didn't want to get out of bed, eat or interact with people due to the huge weight loss of nearly a 100 pounds which made me feel self conscious and unattractive. Can you imagine looking in the mirror and the person looking back at you doesn't look like you anymore. I am not complaining because I could be dead and gone. I nearly departed this life on three separate occasions but God had other plans for me.

Have you ever just asked God why me? I know I don't do everything right yet I am honest about my short comings apologize often if I offend and ask for forgiveness if I fall short. I am kind to my neighbor, I respect people and their feelings and I make sure to always be available for my church and community. What did I do so wrong that you would touch my health so profoundly? 

God's answer was simply this. It's not about you it's all about me and my grace, mercy and the testimony that will follow your life when you overcome this test of your faith. I was like God I don't think my faith can withstand this. It's to hard and I am in too much pain to focus please help me because I feel like giving up and letting go. Then as I began to pray I came back to myself and the holy spirit quickened in me to fight for my healing, my life my freedom and my victory. The scripture weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning Psalms 30:5.

Now I don't care how I feel I wake up give glory to God for life and strength look in the mirror and say you are stronger than you feel, I am created to make a difference and your courage will give someone else the courage to keep fighting till we win the warrior. 

I understand I have to live everyday like it's my last and live with the knowledge that I must let go of things I can't control for my own peace of mind because people will stress you out and watch you demise and keep trucking on with their own lives because it doesn't affect them at all. 

Keep fighting no matter what you are going through it will get better. As I am writing this I am encouraging myself as well we can make it. And we will live to see it happen! Love , Light & Blessings!!!