Love After 40

 In light of the Oscars and the altercation between Will Smith and Chris Rock we find that old trauma in which Mr. Smith had not dealt with brought about an unfortunate out burst of emotional rage against Mr. Rock due to a joke pertaining to his wife Jada. If you have read Mr. Smith's book in the early chapters he discusses how he felt himself a coward for not being able to protect is mother not just from physical abuse but verbal as well these feelings if not dealt with can feaster into greater emotional issues and these are issues of his childhood. So, to see his wife in pain from being verbally attacked triggered in him a response that was unfortunate and could of had far worst consequences. In the past several years we have witnessed a downward spiral in his marriage as well as his home life in general. I believe this is having a great affect on his mental and emotional state because even through he has an open marriage I believe the affair Jada had with August was unsuspected ...

 Having done a small poll of my peers I asked a simple question what was the real reason you decided to marry? Some said love but most where unsure some answers were I needed a place to stay and we got along really well and we knew that eventually we might marry so why not take a leap of faith. One guy said I loved the independence and stability that my wife had and somethings I was working towards she had already achieved so to marry her was a come up for me. One of the women in the poll simply said I was tired of being by myself so instead of being lonely I settled for someone who might not be everything I want but he is good to me. Listening to these answers I can't lie I became a bit weary because to me marriage is based off of love, commitment, mutual affection and God's purpose for the union. So, to hear that so many are marrying for financial reasons and loneliness it's a mockery of the union God ordained from the beginning. I find it very hard to settle for anything...

 I found that we are so intent on finding romantic love that we forget to love ourselves. We search for what we don't find in ourselves in others and that is the biggest problem because the way we love ourselves defines how others in turn love us. I had to understand that knowing myself and understanding what issues and traumas I have is a part of self love. Self love is more than doing things for yourself like facials and getting hair and nails done it's a journey of true self discovery knowing what your worth is and understanding that you may never be perfect but you are always worth the best and being willing to disconnect with people, places and things that keep you in a place of self doubt. Self love is taking mental days to figure out your emotional state and developing a coping mechanism so that you are not bleeding all over the people you love. I had to learn that sometimes the pain and disappointment in me made me lash out at people who genuinely loved and cared for me...

  When we think of romantic attachment/connection we think of security, home, family, stability, sexual gratification and lasting commitment. Well those are all the things I think of and the ability to connect to them on a spiritual level. What we don't often look for is that deeper part of a union that goes beyond the physical realm this is the thing that tethers us together. I know we say a family that prays together stays together but that's not always the truth and those misconception in christian relationships are the main reasons they are falling apart because words from the lips which are not manifested in the heart are just simply words without meaning. Prayer without action falls to the ground so we must dig a little deeper and ask why what we pray for our partnerships and relationships is not manifesting. First is our creator happy with the union, was it his perfect will for your life or his submissive will and did the union start on the right terms. We must understan...