Does a failed relationship stop you from looking for love again?

 When we think of past relationships and the start or finish there of do we think of happiness, pleasure, affection, pain, sorrow, lost time and regret. Do we let the issues from previous relationships stop us from thriving in a new relationship due to the knowledge of how it possibly may go. The answer is quite simply yes, let's talk about it! I'll go first sharing a little of my journey and the issues behind my reluctance with relationships & love.

     I personally have been reluctant to be in long term relationships due to things I have experienced in love yes I want companionship, and a life partner but to what expense is what I am always asking myself. Sometimes I think I am just scared to open myself up to the potential of it not working out and causing even more damage than I could gather yet there is a part of me that wants very much to take that leap of faith. I am one who wholly believes in working out your issues before pursuing any type of relationship because it's those very issues that we don't work on that bring about trauma not just to us but to those we connect ourselves with and is it fair to metaphorically bleed all over someone who just wants to love us because we haven't let go of the pain, sorrow, self loathing yes self loathing the fact is that many times we blame ourselves for the disaster of the breakup even if it wasn't our fault at all and we began to feel shame defeat and heartache so bad that we begin to loath ourselves. In my case I was like how could you let this happen why weren't you strong enough to leave when you saw it all going to hell in a hand basket and even though I loved my husband more than my own life and that was partly the problem I didn't want another failed marriage so I endured it. 

    It took me many years to let go of that feeling of self loathing and guilt due to that fact in those years while I was in romantic relationships I have pushed away a many of great men who have loved me in fear that they would hurt me and use me was it fair to them that they had no idea of the war that was always going on inside me when they were just trying to love me no it wasn't that's why now it is so hard for me to commit to people. I never want to be the reason someone is broken, hurt, in sorrow and doubting themselves due to my inability to just love without fear. 

    So, yes failed relationships can hinder us from pursuing new love and recognizing the great potential for happiness if we don't deal with the issues of fear, mistrust and having the ability to just take a leap of faith that it will all work out in the end.  I am a work in progress everyday working on the woman I want to be and making sure that when love does find me I am ready and whole. Till next time Love, Light & Blessings!





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