Love is just a word without action!

 I have found that everyone uses the term I love you so very loosely, especially in romantic relationships. Why do you think that is? I have a hypothesis about it and it deals with what we were taught that love was in our youth. We must understand taught behavior follows us into adulthood and if we are not careful that learned behavior will wreak havoc in our adult life in terms, of employment, finances, romantic relationships, and even our mental health. 

    Growing up I realized I had never seen much in terms of public displays of affection between my parents and this literally made me as an adult shy away from it in my marriages because I couldn't rationalize why exactly it was needed. Now, in the intimacy of my bedroom, it was on and popping with no inhibitions, and anything my partner needed I was willing to indulge him. Yet, I was never one to say the word I love you because to me it meant many a different things and they were all based on action. So, in my mind if your actions didn't line up with what I deemed worthy of the word you would never hear me utter those words to you. I lost many romantic relationships due to me not saying or feeling the word Love.   


         

    When I was very young I learned that the words I love you didn't hold much weight in my eyes because the very people that utter those words would do horrible things to you and expect you to forgive them because they loved you. That literally changed my view on the term and I begin doing research on what love truly was because it couldn't mean what these individuals who caused me pain said right? See how the disconnection from that term would be planted in me from hurt and childhood trauma. In my whole adult life, I have only ever been truly in love twice and the feeling it brought was excitement, fear, and joy beyond anything I could ever imagine. That's when I realized what the term I love you really meant because love is selfless, sacrificing, patient, understanding, encouraging, empowering, and offers stability I literally could go on and on about what that word means when it is deeply felt. 

    So, when I came to the understanding of what I love you really meant I realized that in most of my romantic relationships, there was no love there I wasn't willing to give up any part of myself let alone sacrifice for it.  And I would throw away relationships as soon as I saw any sign of trouble. Walking around scared of commitment due to past trauma. Lord knows I have had trauma in romantic relationships husbands who cheated were abusive and downright just despicable and I stayed because of LOVE or was it something else? I was taught marriage was forever and that no matter what you work it out that became my crutch the wedding vows.


Learning the difference between love and obligation was a big issue for that was the reason I stayed during some of the most horrifying moments of my life in bad marriages that I should have walked away from. Understanding that love doesn't equate to pain and tolerating bad behavior and that love can mean walking away because before you can ever love someone else you must first love yourself and I think that is where a lot of us miss the mark we forget to love ourselves so we tolerate things that we should never let slide in order to feel love whether it's real or fake. 

So, next time you think about uttering the phrase I love you make sure it's real and you're willing to put in the work to back it up with your actions. Until next time love, light & blessings!

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